Rough Marriage

Some of the most powerful reminders of God's faithfulness come not from a pulpit, but from real lives that have been broken and rebuilt by His grace. Jim and Liz Van Steenhouse share a story of addiction, trauma, hardened hearts, and the slow, steady work of a God who never lets go.

What Does It Mean to Grow Up in a Broken Home?

Liz grew up in Ganado, Texas, born into a home shaped by generational trauma and abuse. Her parents were teenagers when they had her, and alcohol was a constant presence in the family. By the time she was four years old, her parents' marriage had fallen apart.

The pain of that broken home left deep marks. Her mother's bitterness toward her Father was so intense that she literally cut His face out of every family photograph. That image, a family picture with a missing Father, became Liz's first understanding of what family looked like.

She carried that wound quietly. As a little girl, she learned to stuff her pain into a hidden pocket inside herself rather than express it. She felt lonely, unlovable, and like she simply did not belong.

How Childhood Wounds Follow Us Into Adulthood

Her brother once called her, laughing, to share a memory he had of her as a child. He described seeing her alone on a swing set during recess, head hanging down, feet dragging in a puddle below her, while his friends made fun of her. She had no friends. No confidence. She did not even like herself.

When Liz heard that story at 37 years old, she realized something important. In part of her heart, she was still that little girl. She had carried those childhood beliefs into adulthood: that she was unworthy, unlovable, and alone.

As she grew into her teenage years, her outward appearance changed and she began receiving attention for how she looked. Without a Father in her life and without any knowledge of God, she became addicted to the approval of others. Whatever people said about her became her identity.

When Pain Leads to Counterfeit Comfort

At 15, Liz was introduced to alcohol. She did not have words for the pain inside her, but alcohol numbed it immediately. It became what she calls a "counterfeit comfort," a substitute for the peace she desperately needed but did not know how to find.

She carried that habit through high school, graduating with honors, and into college at Texas State. She described her strategy simply: be the prettiest, most likable person in the room, study hard during the week, and binge drink every weekend.

Then, at 19, a phone call changed everything. Her mother called her in a crisis, threatening to end her life. Liz begged her not to. Her mother survived. But something in Liz died that day. She made two silent vows in her heart: to never feel again, and to never trust again. She hardened herself, put on her clothes, and went to a party as if nothing had happened.

How Does God Reach Someone Who Has Hardened Their Heart?

Years later, Liz met Jim through work. Both were carrying deep wounds. Both were using alcohol to cope. Their relationship was turbulent from the start, and after moving to Houston to be with him, Liz eventually packed her things into a U-Haul and left while he was at work.

Jim ended up in rehab. Liz ended up on a football field.

A friend invited her to a workout session led by a retired NFL player named Hot Rod Jones. What Liz did not know was that Hot Rod was also a pastor. He wove scripture into the workout, speaking life and identity over the people around him. One day, he handed her a small piece of paper with a single verse on it.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." - John 3:16

Standing on that football field, God lifted the veil from her eyes. She gave her life to Christ right there. She got in her car and drove home, and she said the trees looked brighter and the billboards seemed to glow. She knew Jesus was alive.

Why Does Becoming a Christian Not Always Fix Everything Immediately?

Liz's salvation was real, but her healing was not instant. She and Jim eventually married, and she came into the relationship expecting a Christian fairy tale. She wanted to pray together, study the Bible, and go to church. Jim was not interested.

For five years, Liz attended women's Bible studies. She read scripture. But she still struggled with anxiety medication and weekend drinking. She felt like a rat on a treadmill, unable to understand why God's promises were not coming alive in her heart. The truth was that she still had years of unprocessed trauma buried inside her.

Everything came to a head on Valentine's weekend in 2010. After a night of drinking in Austin, she woke up in the early morning hours with no idea where she was. Shame and condemnation flooded over her. She fell to the bathroom floor and cried out to Jesus.

"Jesus, if you don't do something, I'm not going to make it."

In that moment, the Holy Spirit spoke to her clearly. He said, "Meditate on my word day and night, and you will be prosperous and successful." It was like a lightning bolt through her body.

What Does It Look Like to Truly Surrender to God?

Liz went home and began stripping away everything that was pulling her away from God. She turned off the television, changed the music she listened to, removed clothing that did not reflect who she was becoming, and created distance from friendships that were pulling her down. The Holy Spirit told her clearly: no more alcohol.

She called her Titus mentor, an older woman from her church named Kathy, who came over, prayed over her, and anointed her with oil. Kathy told her that in this situation, God was calling her to go directly to Him. He alone had the power to deliver her.

For the next 40 days, Liz went on a media fast. She filled her home with scripture. She put verses on her mirrors. She cultivated what she describes as a growing intimacy with Jesus.

About a week or two into the fast, at 37 years old, she felt the peace of God for the very first time in her life. She knew she would not need the anxiety medication anymore.

Then, on March 30, 2010, God revealed Himself to her in a vision. She fell to the floor in her kitchen, and the love of God washed over her. When she stood up, she felt whole for the first time. The inner vows, the fortresses, the walls she had built since childhood were gone. And her 22-year addiction to alcohol was gone with them.

What Happens When Only One Spouse Is Walking with God?

When Jim came home from work that evening, Liz tried to tell him what had happened. He was not ready to receive it. He made himself a drink and listened politely, but nothing changed in him.

Liz called a friend, frustrated and heartbroken. Her friend told her something she did not want to hear: "God didn't reveal Himself to Jim that way. He revealed Himself to you, and you are responsible for remembering that revelation."

She hung up the phone. But the Holy Spirit kept working on her heart. He began showing her that she had spent her whole life blaming others, numbing her pain, and looking to the world for her identity. It was time to take her eyes off of Jim and fix them on Jesus.

So she did. And she prayed. For five years, she prayed for Jim without condemnation, without shame, without nagging. She surrounded herself with women who prayed with her. Year one passed. Year two. Year three. Year four. Nothing changed in Jim.

Then, in year five, Jim was in the Northwest Territories of Canada on a moose hunting trip when he was attacked by a grizzly bear. Liz received a frantic phone call from his guide. Jim had survived, but barely.

Liz said that when she got that call, the Holy Spirit reminded her: "We prayed for this. This is it." It took a grizzly bear to humble Jim and bring him to his knees before God. But God used it. And Jim's life was never the same.

What Can We Learn About Praying for a Spouse Who Is Far from God?

Jim reflected on what those five years looked like from his side. He noticed that the shame, the guilt, and the condemnation from Liz had simply stopped. There was peace in the house. Her behavior changed even when his did not. And that quiet, consistent change created a space where God could eventually reach Him.

Scripture speaks directly to this dynamic. As Pastor Robert shared from First Peter:

"Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." - 1 Peter 3:1-2

Liz did not win Jim over with arguments or ultimatums. She won him over by becoming someone whose life reflected the peace and wholeness that only God can give.

What If God Has Already Given You Everything You Need?

Jim closed with a powerful image. He asked the congregation to close their eyes and imagine arriving in heaven, walking hand in hand with Jesus into a vast warehouse filled with boxes, each one labeled with a name. When you find your box and ask what is inside, Jesus answers: every talent He placed in you that you chose not to use.

The challenge is to live in such a way that when that moment comes, the box is empty. Every gift used. Every calling answered. Every opportunity taken.

That only happens when we stop chasing what the world tells us to chase and start aligning ourselves under the lordship of Jesus Christ.

Life Application

This week, identify one area of your life where you have been relying on a counterfeit comfort instead of bringing your pain directly to God. It might be a habit, a relationship, a distraction, or a coping mechanism you have been holding onto. Take one concrete step to lay it down and replace it with time in God's Word, even if it is just 15 minutes a day.

Ask yourself these questions as you reflect:

• What inner vows have I made that are keeping me from fully trusting God or the people He has placed in my life?
• Am I trying to change someone else when God may be calling me to focus on my own alignment with Him?
• If Jesus showed me the box with my name on it today, what would still be inside?
• Is there an area of pain I have been stuffing down rather than bringing to God in honest prayer?

God does not need perfect people. He needs willing ones. No matter how far you have wandered, His hand has never moved from you.